On "All Girls Want Bad Boys"

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I’ve long been fascinated by the concept/trope that “All Girls Want Bad Boys.” (Also known as Draco in Leather Pants, for you Tropers.) I’ve seen it myself in fandom so often, and quite frankly experienced it myself - characters who, to put it nicely, aren’t the best of people, amass huge followings of fangirls. Never mind the fact that many of them would make absolutely terrible boyfriends in real life, if they even wanted to date you in the first place.

Sadly, this "desire," I suppose we can call it, can carry over into real life, as there are countless stories of women staying with their abusive husbands because they want to “change” them.

There have been several scientific theories posed as to why this phenomenon exists, with most coming to the conclusion that a "stronger" man is more desirable evolutionarily so he can help protect the woman and her offspring, as well as provide her with healthy offspring. Understanding this phenomenon is important, but what’s more important is that it does happen, oftentimes with tragic consequences.

That all being said, I’m going to say that I have a big issue with either implying or outright telling girls and women that they shouldn’t attempt to help someone just because that person “can’t change.” People change. Perhaps not as easily or magically as they do in fiction, but people can change and they can grow into stronger, better people. I’d even go so far as to say that a supporting partner can easily be one of the main causes for a human being to live a more emotionally fulfilled and happy life than they would have otherwise. Because, in my experience, the vast majority of people simply want to be understood and supported.

This is NOT to say, however, that I think ANYONE should stay in an abusive relationship, no matter how much you "love" them. And I’m not saying all or even most "Bad Boys" would make good boyfriends. (I think the core of the matter lies in our largely apparent inability to teach our girls to value themselves, but that's a discussion for another time)

What I am saying is that people need to be supported, understood, and loved, no matter what stage they are in life. And discouraging people from doing that, from feeling compassion for others and acting on that compassion, I think, is one of the many things that is wrong with this world.

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